I am not the same Michelle I was when I was sixteen years of age, nor the one I was when I was twenty or even the person I was two years ago for that matter so how can I expect my relationships from those years to be the same today?
From the outside, a person with less than 20:20 vision may argue that nothing has changed, I am still living at home, I?ve been driving the same car now for about eight /? nine years and even my look hasn?t revolved that much over the last couple of years? but that?s just the cosmetic stuff. Trust me, everything has changed.
I thought I would sail through my twenties, once I landed the well paid nine to five job the rest of my time would be spent sipping wine, travelling and hanging out the with the same girlfriends I did when I was on the first of the ten steps which compile the twenties. Basically, I thought I would be a high flying girl shitting out my disposable income.
But, the nine to five job isn?t an eight hour day, it can be anything up to sixteen hours, I am not in wine bars every night, I haven?t yet experienced the array of cultures I still long to submerge myself in and my relationship with the girlfriends I had at twenty are so different now than what they were.
Forever, one word, seven letters and it scares me more than seeing ?Insufficent funds? flash in front of me at the ATM on a Saturday night. There is more emphasis on ?forever? at twenty six than there was at sixteen, I am expected to know my life plan in terms of career, the man I will choose to say ?forever? to and where I will built my ?Happy ever after? castle and yet I thought I had my ?forever? sorted between the ages of sixteen and twenty (joke?s on me).
In the last couple of years one of the hardest things I have had to grasp was my female relationships. Friendships with my girlfriends are no different than an intimate one I would have with a man. Both require work if I wish to sustain them.
There have been some friendships that I have simply outgrown, there are one or two that I feel I can no longer lean on and I find no support in them and there are a bountiful supply of new friendships.
Women are so important to me. Some of the greatest teachers in my life have been women. And maybe it?s because I have no sisters or that might have nothing at all to do with it for all I know, but my female friends mean so so much to me and my one wish is that I will be able to retain the ones I believed I would have ?forever? at twenty years of age.
Recently however, with the arrival of a new year and then even more recent lent crept up on us so the word ?Detox? seems to be jumping out at me from a multiplicity of female magazines. The last thing on my mind is a detox type diet but I wondered if a ?people detox? was required, does everybody in my life at the moment deserve to be there?
I don?t want anyone around me for the sake of it or simply because of time, I want and am owed strong relationships. I have a heart of gold and I go out of my way for people and am the first person to cheer others on in their achievements. And I?m scared, I?m scared of people taking advantage of that gold heart and hurting me. I?m a happy positive energetic person so I don?t want to risk anyone taking that away from me.
It?s no secret that my dream is to be a published writer and at twenty four years of age I made a conscious decision to work my ass off for this, it?s not like someone is going to hand me a book deal or that the Everyman Palace will ring me Monday morning to tell me they want to host my play. And through this decision I have been on an incredible journey over the last two years, I have taken incredible knocks, there has been bucketful of tears and there have been so many times when I have punched the door ( I have learnt that a pillow is actually a better punchable object) and doubted my talent and my self-worth.
I?m an extremely private person in real life, (in the written life I?m naked) and I express my insecurities through humour, I am so private in fact that some of my closest closest friends have only learnt during Christmas 2011 that I write. I think these ?close? friends are still thinking I have lost my marbles.
I?ve had to make sacrifices for my dreams, working long hours? in another industry which I love too ?means that a lot of my time off has to go into writing rather than sun holidays, I want to be out every weekend and up until six in the morning drinking but I can?t, not if I am serious about what I want to achieve, now don?t get me wrong I am still at the parties, just not as many as I used to be.
Some friends have given me huge support, understanding and encouragement and others have made me doubt my dreams, my ability and my sanity. Keep doubting me though ?cos nothing kicks my ass harder and makes me ?run a little faster to show them, ?Ahem actually yes, a small girl from a dead end road can achieve whatever it is that she wants.?
In your twenties you will find that your best friend may go left while you go right, that?s just life and though your paths may bring you together less, friendship isn?t measured by how often you see each other, it?s about being able to continue on from where you left off. Life will happen in your twenties, marriage, babies and career will affect your friendships and your permanent residence in Reardens and Copper Face Jacks but that?s growth.
I give everybody chances because I?m not perfect, I?m a klutz who wears her emotion on her sleeve, I fall down, I pick?inappropriate men and I take wrong turns so I need to be given second chances but I don?t expect to give the people in my life tenth and eleventh chances for the same mistakes, not anymore.
I?m twenty six now, I?ve never been stronger, I?ve never been happier,? I?ve never worked as hard, I?ve never been more determined, I?ve never had the certainty before of the person I can become like I do today and I aim to inspire others.
I know who I want in my life, and I?m no longer in a position where I wish to tolerate toxifying friendships.
Your twenties are an amazing decade, at twenty nine years of age you will look back on your twenty year old self and think, ?Wow! Look how far I?ve come?, inspire where you can, chase dreams , love hard,? learn, grow and if you know nothing else in your life then just know who that smoking hot girl in?your reflection is. ?
On BFF?s, Good friends are like bras, supportive, never leave you hanging, make you look good and are always close to your heart?.
And in relation to your dreams remember this quote from Kelly Cutrone ? Take the years when you?re young ? say, between the ages of fifteen and thirty-five, before you have a mortgage or kids or anything else that needs to be fed ? and go balls out on intuition and follow your dreams.
Real BFF?s will always understand your dreams. I?m not an advocator of gambling but if there is one thing you bet on, make sure it?s yourself.
Source: http://michelleisinwonderland.blogspot.com/2012/02/bbfs-dreams-and-twenties.html
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